The narcissists behave differently in a covert mode in comparison to the overt mode. To recognize the overt narcissists is pretty easy task. They are open bullies and at least one positive thing about the "overts" is that you can recognize them from miles away. Its a bit tricky with the "coverts". There is a reason why the "coverts" are being called "covert". Their abuse is very silent, subliminal and it takes time for the victims to recognize it, sometimes months, years and even the decades. Some of the victims never uncovered the covert narcissistic individuals in their life till their death and they probably lived their whole life thinking they had mental illness, were crazy and they probably thought they are the problem while in fact they had no mental illness, the problem was not them at all, they were abused by the narcissistic predators and most probably the victims suffered from PTSD or C-PTSD. Especially back in the times when the divorce was either prohibited or not acceptable in our society, the victims tremendously suffered in the hands of the predators with no way out. Our society is very lucky that today you do not need to spend your entire life with your abuser, you can get the divorce. Today, we have such an amazing opportunity to have an access to knowledge and information on internet. But back in times, people did not have the internet and they lived their whole lives in the painful confusion living with the narcissists. The extreme confusion the narcissists cause to their victims with gaslighting and crazy making is bringing people into depressions, suicides, emotional pain and psychological agony. The covert narcissists are the most dangerous among the individuals who suffer from cluster B type of personality disorders. With covert narcissists, one do not see it coming until its too late for the victims. Ask Jesus about Judas or Caesar about Brutus. If you have a narcissists in your life, you will feel utterly confused most of the time.
Let´s discuss a confusion as a bullying tactic and an emotional abuse now. How it feels to have a covert narcissists in your life?
1. If you spend a larger amount of your time with the narcissists, you feel constantly confused. Confusion is the first sign that you are being emotionally and psychologically abused. The covert narcissists show their aggression in a very passive aggressive way. Feeling constantly confused around some person is one of the biggest red flags that the victim has been emotionally and psychologically abused. Normal people are transparent and consistent. There is no reason to feel confused in normal relationships. If someone make you question your sense of reality and your own sanity, you might be in a relationship with the covert narcissist. If you notice you feel confused around some person too often and in a long period of time, start to analyze yourself and your surrounding. Analyze your self-esteem. Even when the covert narcissists pretend to support you, you will notice that your self-esteem rapidly decreased during the period of having the "covert" in your life. When you start to read between the lines of everything the covert predator says to you, you will notice that they often send a "coded messages" in order to attack your self-esteem on a frequent base. If you can´t wrap your head around where your self-esteem disappeared, start to look around you and watch other people´s behavior. The actions of the covert narcissists often differ from their words. They often use big words but they lack action. They say something nice to you, but their action speak otherwise. The narcissists always contraindicate themselves and their words never match their actions. If you start to suffer from panic attacks, depressions, confusions, this might be a result of someone "working" on you in a subliminal way. If you start to observe your own feelings, you will notice that there is a conflict inside of you about the covert narcissist in your life. On subconscious level, you do not trust them and you do not feel safe with them. Your mind is in a constant chaos. You do not know what to think or feel about them. You are often in an alert mode, your defensive mechanism is always on and you are nonstop on tiptoes around this person. You might even get a panic attack when you hear your cell phone start ringing and you start to be nervous around the hour when the individual suppose to come back home. When the covert narcissistic individual invites you to spend some free time with her or him, you might experience a nice sunny day with this individual full of laugh but next day you feel used, depressed, angry at them and down, you don´t feel good about it and you do not understand why. You constantly live in a cognitive dissonance where half of you see them as nice (which in reality is their "false self" mask and manipulation) and other part of you feel like you need to protect yourself from them (because on subconscious level you know they are poisoning you and you are not safe with them). You feel totally confused about what to feel and you are splitting a lot.
2. You are deeply hurting, you are feeling depressed or even suicidal, but you can' t figure out why you feel this way, you can´t somehow point the finger on it. No matter how hard you try to understand yourself why you are feeling this way, you just can´t figure it out. When you feel confused and in a deep hurt a long period of time, start to analyze your surrounding and pay attention on people in your life and the dynamics they are bringing into your life to understand from where and from whom this is coming from. Usually, when someone is suffering from frequent panic attacks, it is usually a sign that those people were raised by the narcissistic families or those people spent o spending a longer period of time in the presence of the narcissist(s). People are not being born automatically with panic attacks, its always developed based on some factors in our life inside of us. Try to analyze what is the root cause of your panic attacks. Covert narcissists are like a slow silent rust, you don´t realize how they corrode you over time until its too late for you and you find yourself in a deep pain and your life collapse. And even your life collapse, you still do not understand why it did happen. Until you properly educate yourself on narcissism.
This is an example on how a covert narcissist look like. This is Chris Watts and he murdered his pregnant wife and his two little daughters. Its a myth that the "psychos" have to look like the "psychos" from the American movies. Sometimes they look like the puppies. And unfortunately, most of the "coverts" are like that. Chris Watts is a classical prototype of the covert narcissist.
Sign up for NEWSLETTER and receive all my new free blog articles directly
to your e-mail.
If you found this article useful, share it with your dear ones who can benefit from this information. I appreciate it. If you wish to support my work, you might consider A DONATION. Thank you for your support. Ready to change your life? BUY MY BOOKS on narcissism and codependency.
