A talk therapy is a very helpful method to treat the PTSD trauma after the narcissistic abuse. Here are some tips that might help you to choose the right therapist or a coach and some red flags to watch out for:
Choosing the right therapist or a coach for the victims after the narcissistic abuse:
Do a little research before you pick your therapist. Find the therapist in your local area who specializes in PTSD and C-PTSD trauma treatment and Google the therapist´s name to see what others have to say about this therapist. Before you make an appointment, have a little conversation with the therapist and ask him or her if the therapist is familiar with the narcissistic abuse, narcissism and codependency. If this is not his or her expertise, you might ask the therapist for a recommendation who can be a better fit for your condition. Unfortunately, many therapists out there do not understand narcissistic abuse and they might cause more damage than good to the victims of the narcissistic abuse.
Do not be afraid to quit the therapy with the wrong therapist:
Do not be discouraged if the first therapist is not the right fit for you. The therapists are only humans just like everyone else. You can vibe with one person and do not vibe with the other person. If you feel like the therapist is siding with your abuser, victim blaming you, invalidating your experience or if the whole thing feels off, be assertive and pull away. Sometimes it takes time to find the right therapist for you. Sometimes you need to try more therapists until you find the right one. Keep in mind that the therapists might be the narcissists themselves too. If you catch the red flags that your therapist might be a narcissist, be assertive, quit the therapy and find another therapist. The narcissists often desire the jobs where they can have a control and power over people - they are often CEOs, politicians, celebrities, religion figures but you can find them also in a medical field. Apply critical thinking. The medical field is a perfect place to find the victims because the doctor´s and therapist´s offices are full of vulnerable patients (aka, easy preys). A very good alternative is to hire a life coach who specializes solely in the narcissistic abuse.
Couple therapy for the victims and their narcissistic romantic partners or family members:
Not many narcissists enter the therapy - individual or couple. It is also extremely rare for any narcissist to change or heal. The prognosis for an adult narcissists to get better is very poor. In most of the cases, the couple therapy is very traumatizing and damaging experience for the narcissist´s spouses or family members. Narcissism is a very strong defense mechanism which prevents the narcissists to see any issue with them and to self-reflect. They always shift the blame to others and use projection to avoid the responsibility for themselves and their actions.
In most cases, the narcissists use the therapy sessions as an opportunity to extract a negative narcissistic supply from their beloved ones and a positive narcissistic supply from the therapists. They often triangulate all involved parties during the sessions and at some point, the narcissists will devalue, discard and smear campaign the therapists. They use their superficial charm to win the therapists on their side to help them to bully the victims, they manipulate the reality to present themselves as the poor victims and they present the real victims as the bad people or abusers. The therapy becomes the playground for the narcissists where they learn the new tricks on how to abuse their victims more effectively in the future. They usually do not get better even when it might seem they cooperate or "get better". Its an illusion. In most of the cases, the narcissists will only switch from being overt to become more covert and learn to hide their narcissism more effectively. It would be more useful for the victims if they disconnect from the idea of couple therapy and enter the individual therapy instead where the therapists might help them to get out of the cognitive dissonance, trauma bond, codependency, build a healthy self-esteem, autonomy, resolve the childhood´s trauma, depression, help them to increase self worth in order to prepare them to leave the narcissistic relationships and reclaim their life. It would be better solution for the victims to re-direct their focus from the issues of the narcissists to the issues they need to fix within themselves. Rather then obsessing about what is wrong with their narcissistic partners or family members, the victims might re-focus on self-reflection and self-development.
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