Narcissistic abuse: Logic of trauma (4 stages of healing)

 "Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways". - Sigmund Freud

Every of us somewhere in our life went through a trauma or a bad experience. But what exactly is trauma?

Imagine your brain as a cabinet with four drawers. Each drawer has its purpose. The first stage of trauma is a raw feeling received from outer world into your inner world and it belongs to the first drawer of your "brain cabinet". Once you process the trauma, it will no longer be in a raw form, it will be transformed into a  processed trauma and thus it will be moved to the drawer number two. This half healed emotion will be next moved to the third drawer which belongs to grief. The trauma is an unfinished grief process. Grieving is an important stage for your healing and the process of grieving should be fully finished for successful healing. Once the grief is finished, the healed emotion can finally move to the forth drawer where the brain will give the case a closure and the trauma dissolves.

The problem will arise when we get stuck in a first drawer and the trauma will stay unprocessed and raw, sometimes even for years or decades. The unfinished trauma business will disconnect us from ourselves and when we are disconnected from ourselves, it feels like we are also disconnected from the whole world. Also, in contrary, when you are at peace and happy, you automatically feel connected to others and the whole world. It´s about you. Not about what is around you. The aim of healing is to repair the connection with yourself. In a spiritual world we call the healing process "the shadow work" as trauma is nothing else then our shadows that are lurking in our subconsciousness. When the trauma is not healed, after some time the raw unprocessed emotions will be suppressed into our subconsciousness and we will be acting out the trauma in many unhealthy behavior through our life, often not even realizing we repeat the same patterns over and over again, re-playing and projecting the trauma and old programming onto others, having flashbacks because we re-traumatize ourselves over and over again not understanding that the hurt is coming always from the same spots inside of us and having other unhealthy subconsciousness coping mechanism.

The brain of people who went through trauma are going through a taught times with overthinking, insomnia, not being able to focus on daily life tasks due to the brain fog, dissociation and cognitive dissonance as their brain is too busy with processing the trauma even years after it happened. The brain function in a way that it only obsess about things that are not able to resolve. The brain needs a closure to an event to be able to close it. Did you notice that you rarely think about your ex partners with whom you have had a proper closure but you obsess about your ex partners with whom you never had any closure? Imagine your brain to be a mathematician who are trying to solve the mathematical riddle. The brain needs to understand what happened to you in a logic way. If the brain (the mathematician) solves the riddle, he feels relief as he is able to understand exactly the topic in a logic way and can close the case. But when the brain (the mathematician) are not able to solve the riddle and is not able to have a closure, he starts to obsess about the riddle and he is not able to stop the obsession to the point he becomes sick and develop neurosis, obsessions, compulsions and phobias.



The knowledge is the key to healing, not the time.

To heal, you need to bring the unconsciousness to the consciousness, to your awareness. Only when you allow the shadows to move to the surface, you can start to name them and clean them. Till you don´t know the name of your shadows, you don´t know what and how to fight it.

The most common question about trauma is: How long it will take me to heal? The answer is that it can take 2 months or 20 years to heal and it depends solely on you and not on any other factor. The time will not heal you. Consciousness does. It depends on how long you will be in denial of the truth. It depends on how passionate you will become for your healing. Many people suppress the emotions as it is very painful to deal with them. Those who take the therapy seriously and find the suitable and correct therapist for them can speed their healing and fully recover. Those who never deal with their shadows and run from themselves instead of to themselves will be hurting most probably for years or decades or even they will never recover. Trauma is not something that will go away by itself. Trauma can only goes away once we take responsibility to remove it ourselves. 

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