One of the greatest sign you found yourself in a narcissistic family is a phenomenon where narcissistic family assign a specific role to each child to play in their dynamics. Based on what role you have in the narcissistic family, you have been assigned either the role of a scapegoat child, a lost child or a golden child. The reason why the roles have been assigned to the children in the first place is the fact that the narcissistic parents do not know how to regulate their own emotions so they need someone else to project their emotions onto and also because they use their own children as a narcissistic supply. The narcissists lack of emotional intelligence and thus they consider the people in their life only as the objects and a source of narcissistic supply. Sadly, even their pets and own children.
The scapegoat child:
In most cases the scapegoat children are the most intelligent, the most
talented and the most empathetic members of the narcissistic families,
yet their skills, talent and goodness is either sabotaged or never
acknowledged (on purpose) which is corroding the well being, self-esteem of the scapegoats
and distorting the sense of their reality. Together with the lost children, they often develop codependency as the result of being raised in the narcissistic families. They are the source of negative narcissistic supply - they are being blamed for everything that happened in their family or outside the family, even they did nothing wrong. They are the ones who are being rejected, criticized, used, abused the most in the narcissistic family, they are being punished often and excluded from the circle and everything positive going on in the family. They are often envied and punished for their talents, skills and goodness. In most cases the scapegoat children are the only empaths of the family. The scapegoats are the greatest source of negative supply for their narcissistic parents, they project all their frustration, anger and hate onto the scapegoats. More often then not the scapegoats are the children who run away from their families in a very early age or they are being pushed behind the doors by their narcissistic parents in a very early age to take care of themselves and they are left without any needed help or support (emotional, psychological, physical, financial, etc). They are always alone on their own facing all struggles in life alone. In lot of cases the scapegoats will even move to different continent or different country to radically remove themselves from the narcissistic family. Till they have been living under the roof of their narcissistic parents, their studies have been sabotaged, the money they earned in part times jobs have been stolen, all talents have been punished, suppressed and sabotaged. The scapegoat children are mostly known as rebels of the family as they are usually the first members who start to awaken to the fact that there is something wrong with their family and they are punished for pointing the finger onto the family dysfunction.
Painting "Cry no more" by Jon Jaylo
The lost child:
The lost children are similar to scapegoat children and they are usually the most invisible members of the narcissistic family. They spend a lot of time out of the home and they try to avoid any conflict with their family as much a possible. Consciously or subconsciously they play blind and deaf. As they already witnessed the scapegoat children to be punished for their rebellion, the lost children tend to be more quiet and rather avoid the narcissistic parents but also the rebelling scapegoats to avoid any conflict. They have also the tendency (just like the scapegoats) to run away from home in a quite early age.
The golden child ("the trophy child"):
The golden children are "the choosen ones" of the narcissistic parents. They are supported by the parents in their studies and all activities, they are being praised under every circumstances, no matter if they did or did not deserve it. If the golden child did something wrong, it is overlooked by the parents who pretend that the golden child has no flaws. All benefits of the family are being handed to the golden child, even on the expense of other children in the family. The golden children are the only children who are staying at parent´s home, even years after that would be healthy for them to be already on their own. In lot of cases they develop either narcissism or narcissistic traits over time.
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