First, lets start with the fact that if you are googling signs to figure out if your relationship is toxic or not, that itself is a 1st sign you might be in a toxic relationship. People usually do not search on internet trying to figure out whats wrong with their partner. In a healthy relationship you do not need to play a detective or spend hours with thinking about why your relationship feels off. If you found yourself in a toxic relationship, there is a high chance you found yourself in a relationship with a narcissist or other cluster B type of the personality. These individuals are highly uneasy, toxic and problematic. On the other hand, normal people are easy going and you can really feel the difference. Although, the relationships with healthy people might seem a bit boring due to lack of drama, you can feel safe, inspired, loved, free, energized and relaxed through most of the parts of the healthy relationships. No relationship is perfect, but despite some bumps here and there, you feel healthy and happy with your healthy partner most of the time and your relationship feels stable.
Love bombing stage and the honey moon period in the beginning of the relationships with the narcissists and other individuals of cluster B type of the personality feel very intense. You have probably never experienced more passionate love story as you can experience in the beginning with the narcissist. You feel like everything you ever dreamed of came true, they shower you with compliments and buying you expensive gifts already on the first dates. They are very quick to rush intimacy and the relationship progress on a light speed. And you really think you found your charming prince or princess, your soulmate. Unfortunately, the love bombing stage does not last forever. And what once felt like a fairy-tale will become suddenly your worst nightmare. They boiled the water that they are cooking you in so slowly that you did not even realize it was a trap. You just woke up one day and you found yourself trapped in this horror story and your charming prince or princess suddenly changed overnight and became a monster and a black magic witch. The qualities that you once considered attractive (such the narcissist being secretive and mysterious), today you woke up to the realization that the reason why they had a secret world in the first place was because they have been hiding important facts about their life, lies and illusions. You do not see them anymore attractive for their mysticism as today you already understand that normal mature people are transparent, open and they do not play mysterious games. Next time you will know better. Its good to educate yourself on signs of toxic relationships so next time you will take yourself out of the toxic situations much sooner, the best before the damage can be done.
What are the signs of the toxic relationships with the narcissists or other individuals of cluster B type of the personality? Lets figure it out.
2. Your relationship is constantly full of ups and downs.
Its an emotional unpredictable roller coaster. One minute you have a time of you life with your partner, the next minute you feel very frustrated, shocked, abandoned, ignored, invisible, rejected, neglected, finding yourself in a drama war zone and you do not even understand what made your partner to switch from being the most awesome person on the planet to a fucking monster over a second. The toxic relationships often cause that people will accept in
relationships what is absolutely not acceptable and accept something that they would
never accepted before this relationship. Like the time progress, the roller coaster drives faster and faster and more uncontrollable. Instead of enjoying the relationship, you found yourself to be in a survival mode.
3. Walking on the eggshells.
You often find yourself walking on the eggshells, tip toeing around your partner. The slightest thing can make your partner explode or drastically change his or her mood. You never know what is waiting behind the corner and you are constantly trying to avoid any possible way to upset your partner. You often feel anxiety around your partner and anxiously watch your every move. You feel like you can´t express yourself freely. You often over-analyze in your head everything you want to say before you say it to avoid stressful situations with your partner. You feel like you need to ask for a permission for everything.
4. Passive aggressive behavior
Your partner shows a passive aggressive behavior towards you in a form of constant sarcasm, negative and condescending tone of voice, curled lips and eye - rolling. The passive-aggressiveness is a part of your daily life with your partner. He or she often gives you a silent treatment on purpose as a punishment or a trigger for your abandonment issues that makes you feel confused, panicked, unheard and unwanted. The silent treatment is a manipulative technique used for many purposes, in this particular case for making you want them more, to chase after them to boost their ego and even when you would be better to end this toxic relationship right away (yesterday was already late), instead of that, you start to work even harder to prove your worth to your disordered partner, you start to over-do and over-achieve everything even more than you did before. Your partner always makes jokes that are really not jokes. They are covert insults. The purpose of the toxic jokes is only to upset you, belittle you, make you angry and powerless. Then your partner accuses you of being overly sensitive, crazy or paranoid. He or she often gaslights you to the point you question yourself and your reality, constantly shaming you in a covert way and covertly putting you down while pretending he or she is kind and flawless.
5. Frequent painful arguments without resolution.
Every slightest discussion with your partner turns into an argument. You argue a lot. When you do not argue its only because you suppressed yourself and you prefer not to bring the issue to the table. You never come to any conclusion, resolution or compromise after the argument with your partner. The compromises always come from your side and your wants and needs are never being met. Saying "no" to her or him always uncovers the monster lurking behind her or his "false self" mask and your partner shocks you with a very immature rage. In the end, you always correct your answer to "yes" to please your partner even you feel differently about it. Your partner never takes any responsibility for his or her mistakes, rather the blame is being shifted on you.
6. You feel often drained of your energy. It has an impact on your health and well being too.
You find yourself often drained of your energy when you are around your partner. Your partner sucks the energy out of you. The relationship is causing you stress. If you are longer time in the toxic relationship, you might even start to be sick more often or start to suffer from chronic illness, sleep deprivation, insomnia, depression, sadness. Your overall health and well being decline. Al thought, there are also good days with the narcissist (and this is probably the reason why you let yourself to be stuck in the toxic relationship - always trying to remind yourself of the love bombing stage in the beginning wishing to experience it again which unfortunately will never happen), but overall you find yourself often feeling somehow sad, alone and you don´t know why. Or you do, but...
7. You have a feeling you are being manipulated.
You are often questioning your sanity in an interaction with your partner and you feel like your reality is being often distorted. Al thought, the narcissist manages pretty well to keep the "false self" mask most of the time, here and there you can experience the mask slip and seeing through the cracks in the mask. Thats the moments you realize you are being manipulated, controlled and you feel your partner is trying to have a power over you. You feel that even sex is being often used as a weapon to manipulate you. You are in a cognitive dissonance often as the narcissist manages to put the mask back on his or her face pretty fast after slip but those little moments you saw what is behind the mask was enough for you to question the authenticity of your partner. You often experience this "deep inner knowing" using your intuition that you are being manipulated by your partner. You have no privacy in your relationship, your partner stalks you nonstop, follows your every move and your calls and messages to others are always monitored and controlled by your partner.
8. You are not being capable to relax anymore.
You feel constantly on an alert around your partner. The constant nonsense and drama cause you a stress to the point where you are not able to enjoy the vacation or day off with your partner as all moments that suppose to be full of happiness, joy and fun turn into a painful scenario. You often obsessively think about your relationship even at work to the point when it starts to effect your job. You can´t find any joy in hobbies and activities that you once loved and enjoyed anymore and in fact, your partner forces you to put full attention on him or her so you can´t even find time for those activities in your schedule anyway. Your partner poisons your favorite activities and it seems like he or she does not want you to be happy, enjoy yourself and get pleasure from your favorite activities. Your relationship consumes you all. You do not have "me time" anymore as you used to have before you met your partner. You compromise your own values, interests, friendships just to keep the relationship. You often feel uncomfortable with your partner but you always brush this feeling off thinking that you are probably just being paranoid (while you are not).
9. The "deep inner knowing" that something is off.
You often feel like something is off with your partner and your relationship, but you just can´t put the finger on it. Its just this "deep inner knowing" that it does not feel right. Somewhere deep down inside of you you already know that this relationship is not healthy and good for you and you should take yourself out of it, but you suppress your inner voice and your intuition every time it does speak to you.
10. You feel like you became a servant to your partner.
The relationships with overly dependent, extremely clingy people with low self-esteem and low sense of identity is very exhausting. You find yourself often orbiting around your partner 24/7 fulfilling all his or her needs, wants and feelings, fixing all of his or her problems, your partner requires nonstop attention to the point you feel more like your partner´s servant (and often a personal psychiatrist and a mommy or a daddy) than actually a partner and a friend. Your relationship is a constant challenge and your freedom was fully decomposed. You feel like your partner is exhausting you with nonsense and never ending tasks and wasting your time that can be spend more productively (building, creating something) or more joyfully (peaceful relax). You find yourself often feeling guilty and frustrated for wanting some "me time" or time to focus on your health, hobbies, career and other people too. You feel like your partner often takes an advantage of you - financially, emotionally, mentally or sexually. Your boundaries are being crossed often and your partner often takes an advantage of your kindness and generosity.
11. Nothing is good enough for your partner and you feel unworthy.
Your partner overtly or covertly and chronically complains about everything you do for her or him (in general the narcissists complain a lot about everything and everybody) and he or she is not being grateful for anything you do. You feel like nothing you do is good enough. You have this feeling of pouring the water to the holey leaky container. No matter how much water you would pour into the container, it seems like its never enough. You feel like you are not being appreciated. Your partner makes you often feel unworthy and not lovable and you have to always buy their attention and love like in a transactional business. As the time will progress, you start to have a feeling like you are the only one doing the work in the relationship. You often feel used or even abused.
12. You can´t be yourself around your partner.
Your self-esteem and personality has been corroded in the relationship overtime to the point where you do not know who you are anymore. Your opinions do not matter for your partner, your feelings are not taken into consideration and you no more are trying to prove your point. You feel often resigned. You do not feel freedom in your relationship, you often feel like you have to suppress all of your emotions, feelings, wants and needs. You can´t openly do or say what you want to do or say. You are a shadow of your radiant former self. You have been forcefully molded into someone else than you really are. The constant toxicity and drama of your relationship and provocation from your partner bring out only the worst in you. You act in a way you would never act before. Instead of becoming your greatest version, your partner brings the worst in you and you do not like what you see in the mirror.
13. You stagnate and not growing in your life.
You feel like you want to go left but you are forced to go right. Your partner´s selfishness and self absorption is forcing you to only make her or him happy while it is making you unhappy and your partner never considers your happiness at all. You stopped to practice self care and you gave all the power to your partner to mold you into their fantasy just to have a peace at home. You feel like you are betraying yourself often by going more and more away from your own desires, plans and a person that you always wanted to become. You feel stagnated, you feel like you are prevented from growing and trapped in this relationship. You often lower your standard. You find yourself pretending you enjoy your partner´s lifestyle while you are deeply unhappy with living someone´s else life (you would choose different life style for yourself). Your partner is envious of your accomplishments and keep you small. Any of your attempts to grow are being sabotaged or seen as negative. Your partner attack your self-esteem every time you show your autonomy and you show your desire for growth. Your partner competes with you not wanting to see you winning in your life. The narcissist in your life sabotages any of your attempt for having some new useful skills that would be useful for your future and growth because he or she wants you to be as weak as possible to keep you dependent on them and their skills. During the relationship you did not learn anything valuable from your narcissistic partner. Your disordered partner wants you to fail while pretending to want you to succeed and they pretend to support you in a very convincing way.
14. You feel deep inside that your relationship is being shallow and superficial.
You often feel like you and your partner are unhealthy attached to each other but the true deep connection is missing. There is nothing spiritual and deep about your attachment. You have perfect pictures presented on social medias, you wear matching clothes but in real life you feel disconnected from your partner and once you are behind the doors of your home alone with your partner (without cameras and audience), your relationship feels empty, fake and unfulfilling. The feeling of your relationship being shallow and superficial is strong. Somewhere deep down you know this person is not "the love of your life" and everything about this relationship is being fake no matter how hard your partner tries to pretend like everything is alright and awesome. Your relationship looks perfect on the outside but its empty on the inside. There is not true love involved. Often times you feel like an object to your partner instead of feeling like a human. Often times you feel only as a well decorated plastic figurine that your partner manufactured to look perfect in front of the family, friends, coworkers and outer world to maintain his or her perfect image. But deep inside you, you feel differently about what is going on in the relationship. You have no emotional support in your relationship. You feel alone even when you are in the presence of your partner.
15. Your partner is isolating you from others.
The longer you are in the relationship, you start to feel somehow more and more isolated. You are not allowed to be in a contact with people who has been a part of your life most of your life, your social life starts to suffer, you are being isolated from your own inner circle of friends and family by your partner. Your partner is also preventing you to meet new people and socialize.
16. Constant drama and jealousy became part of your every day life with your partner.
The toxic partner always needs to come up with some drama to fuel his or her insecurities, a need for attention and narcissistic negative and positive supply. He or she will often fabricate an illusionary issues and jealousy by triangulating people inside or outside of your life so you and other people will compete for your partner´s attention and love. Somehow, you always find yourself in a nonsense, draining and sometimes overwhelming situations and triangles that trigger your insecurities and destabilizing your balance and harmony. You realize that you are only a source of a supply for your partner and you have to be available every moment when they need a fix.
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