The
stage of healing from the narcissistic abuse that lasts the longest is a
stage of an anger. It is a stage when the victims feel overwhelmed by
the feelings of hate and anger towards their abusers once they awakened
to the truth, came out of the brain fog and cognitive dissonance about
what happened to them. The victims plot and plan the revenge against
their abusers and day dream about hurting the abusers back in the most
cruel way. This is a common and normal part of the healing process.
Unfortunately, in a lot of cases taking revenge against them backfire
back to the victims and they hurt themselves even more. Here are few
practical tips you might find handy on how to take a revenge against the
narcissists in a correct way:
Starve them out of narcissistic supply.
The first thing that every skilled leader who goes into the war with his enemy does is that he analyzes what is the weakness and insecurity of his enemy. In the war with the narcissists the most incorrect tactic used in order to fight them is to have the belief that the narcissists think the way the normal people thinks. They think differently because they have a disorder of a personality. What is important, hurtful, helping, joyful for normal people, the narcissists see it differently. To effectively fight the narcissists, you have to first identify their Achilles´ heel. The core of their disorder is their fatal addiction to people because without extracting the positive and negative narcissistic supply from them, they would collapse. They use other people as the regulators of their emotions. The positive narcissistic supply is the less valuable source of fuel for them. Because they are reckless and they get easily bored, praising them and admiring them will not satisfy them for a very long and that´s why the discard face is inescapable with every victim. The narcissists value more the negative narcissistic supply than the positive supply (such the victim´s pain, anger, hate and upset). As they feel void within themselves (this is the most often reported feeling of the narcissists when they confess to their therapists), the only way to feel at least a bit of something instead of the painful void is to intensify the abuse and brutality towards their victims just like the heroin addicts have to heighten the doses of heroin overtime. Once the victims enter the discard face, they automatically enter the war with their narcissists. The narcissists take a great pleasure to see the victims suffer and to gain from them plenty of negative narcissistic supply (the victims argue with them with a passion, the victims hate them from whole their hearts, chase them, hunt them and this way make them feel important). In the disordered narcissistic mind if you show them negative emotions, it says to the narcissists that you care about them. The narcissists do not care if you give them positive or negative supply, the only important for them is to gain at least some supply. The more the better. Without narcissistic supply, they are not capable to function. This is a part of their disorder. To beat the narcissists in the war against them is to understand the core of the narcissistic personality disorder and starve them from the narcissistic supply. The greatest emotional narcissistic injury for the narcissists is to make them insignificant, invisible and unimportant. It will re-open their old wounds from their childhood when they felt insignificant, invisible and unimportant to their caregivers and they will literary regress back to their childhood. By ignoring them, you will cause the narcissists a lot of anxiety attacks because a part of their disorder is anxiety hyperactive unhealthy attachment style to other people. Any dis-regulation of this attachment cause them a tremendous stress and anxiety. The narcissists can´t stand only one thing - to be ignored. Every time you give the narcissists any type of emotions, you fueled them. Every emotion you give them will be used against you like a weapon. If you found yourself in the middle of the war with the narcissists, the battle field is the worst place to operate from your emotions. Stay emotionless, calm, collected, calculated and cold. Do not let them to over-write your logical thinking with the emotions. Put the logic first and put the emotions aside. Many victims do not realize that one of the reasons why the narcissists want to provoke the victims to react is to extract the information from them. The narcissists know very well that angry people operate from their ego and they will share a lot of information with their own enemy that they would never share if they remain calm. So, paradoxically, the most effective way how to take a revenge on them is to do nothing, walk away and ignore them. This will hurt them the most.
Go no contact.
The narcissists are control freaks. Their ultimate goal is to have control and power over their victims and create a dependence of the victims on them. They want to know every single move of everybody from their past, present and future. They are very controlling and hypocritical - while they always dictate to the victims how to live and what to do, they can do what they want. They always keep too many tabs open clicking from one tab to another to make sure that everybody is in the right place where the narcissists placed them and in the same place where the narcissists left them so the victims are ready to be picked up by the narcissists when its time for recycling. They always put the victims on the shelf like the toys and in their disordered minds the victims suppose to stay on the shelf waiting for them when its victim´s turn to be picked up from the shelf again and played with for a while until the next discard. There is no greater agony for the narcissists than to lose the control and power over the victims and when they do not have any information about them. Go no contact and make sure the narcissists have no way to receive any update on your life. Do not search for them either. Block them and remove them from your life completely. With no contact you will show them you are not dependent on them and you do not need them. This will cause them a great emotional narcissistic injury.
No contact will also speed up the "false self mask" slip. The narcissists need to feel control and power over all people they have the relationships with. When they lose this power and control over any person in their life, it takes them off the balanse and their insecurities kick in. Once they feel insecure, they start to act hypersensitive, insecure and nervous as when they are under emotional stress and anxiety attacks they have tendencies to show their true face sooner to other people around them. The rejection cause them to go into a rage, anger and over emotional reactions which they will project and take onto people who are around them at that moment. This way people around them will uncover the narcissists sooner.
The best revenge is living well.
Although it might sound like a cliche, nothing is more true than this statement when it comes to taking the revenge against the narcissists. Rather than focusing on destroying the narcissists, focus on (re)building yourself. The only best invested time is the time you invested in you. The narcissistic personality disorder is a fixed disorder, the prognosis for the narcissists to get better is very bad (in fact, they get worst with the age), they do not have a chance to heal but you have a chance to heal and move on. The ultimate goal of the narcissists is to keep you stuck in their wheel of a misery with them as long as possible. Remove yourself from the toxic situation and focus on making your life better. The narcissists have self sabotaging tendencies and they will sabotage your life in their process. You are their complice in sabotaging your life if you play with them their nonsense mind game. Do not fall for this trap. The narcissists will eventually self sabotage anyway, do not stay in their way when they self sabotage. Focus on bettering your life, your health, career, money situation and also work on your healing and self love.
Do not focus on their bad karma, focus on your good dharma.
It
might seems like the narcissists get away with everything but this is
not a true. They win the little battles but they never win the war. They
will fight all of their battles they have been avoiding whole their
life at once in the end. The question is not "if" the narcissists will
face their karma, but rather "when". They are always on the run trying to avoid karma and
thats why it might seems like they get away with everything, but its
only short term. From "long term karma perspective" they accumulating
too many bad deeds through their life that one day when they lose their
health and beauty in their old age, they will have harder and harder
times to gain the narcissistic supply. Their scapegoat children grow up,
start to hate them and run away from them. Their narcissistic children will con
them of everything. Their shallow and fake friends will betray them and leave them.
They burned too many bridges through the life that they will be alone on
their death bed. Time will reveal everything, be patience. Life has a
funny way to change in a blink of an eye and also to throw back our
karma back in our faces in the most unexpected ways in the most
unexpected times. Lot of things can happen overnight.
The
narcissists have a great fear of being exposed. Their mask will
eventually slip without your help. In fact, the sooner you remove yourself from
the situation and stop taking any actions, the sooner you allow the mask
to slip because the more you are warning others and fighting with the
narcissists, the more they will be cautious and they will be nonstop on
alert making sure their fake mask is in tact. By removing yourself from
their life and going radio silence, you will make them feel relaxed and
they will stop to be focused on keeping their fake mask in tact and they
will go back to what they know the best - abusing people, doing bad bad
deeds and showing their true color. The more you will try to prove others they are bad, the more they will try to prove to others that they are good. Karma can take care about the
revenge better than you ever could. You just have to get stay out of
karma´s way so the karma actually can do her job. Life has a way of
avenging itself without our help. You most probably will not see the
karma being executed in narcissist´s life as they will make sure they
keep their fake facade to their last breath on this planet, but it does
not mean that karma was not executing. No matter how the narcissists
have been hit by the karma, they always pretend they have time of their
life while their whole life is crumbling down. Their image is everything
for them (its a part of their disorder) and they will make sure they fake happiness even when they are
unhappy. Bad people attracts karma, good people attracts dharma.
Instead of focusing on the narcissist´s karma, work on your good dharma.
Take care of yourself, the life will take care of the narcissists.
Every good vibe you sent out will eventually come back to you 5 times
folded. Fighting with the pigs will only make you dirty and there is no
dharma involved for you.
Remember, never go into the war hothead. The revenge won´t be
effective if its not served cold and with enough distance. Serve it cold
or not at all.
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