When
normal people date, they are genuinely interested in the person they
date. They interview them to see if they are compatible with them. They
want to see if their morals, interests and overall overview on life are
similar to theirs. If they recognize the good qualities in their dates,
they are genuinely happy that they met a decent and nice person with
whom they can enjoy the life with, preferably for the rest of their
life. They offer the good quality retroactively - they want to make
their new partners genuinely happy too by offering them the good
qualities back.
On
the other hand, the narcissists are not dating. They are fishing,
plotting, targeting and preying on their next future victims. They are
masters at recognizing the opportunities to manipulate and they know
already on the first dates if the targets are the good sources of a
supply or not. They are targeting giving, empathetic, helping, caring, resourceful people with the good hearts and a great sense for integrity. The
narcissist´s only question in their head during the first dates is:
"What this person can do for me?".
What is a narcissistic supply?
"The narcissistic supply" is everything that the victims can provide to the narcissists to help the narcissists feel better about themselves and take care of their needs and wants. Every narcissist lives a parasitic lifestyle not willing to work hard to build himself or herself up, they rather use others as the objects, tools and stepping stones to achieve their goals and they have no guilt to use manipulations, pathological lies and stealing to do so. The narcissists are well known users and they carefully choose the victims to parasite on them. They hide behind the mask of fake niceness to be able to parasite on their victims. They always use shortcuts to get their needs and wants met always trying to find the easiest way to get there. They do not see other people as human beings. The narcissists are very possessive, they only see other people as possessions and objects. Other people means nothing more to the narcissists than a table, a chair or a vacuum cleaner. In their heads, people does exist not to be loved but to be used. Once the narcissists feel they own you, in their heads, they own you forever. Your are their prisoner and slaver forever. In their heads, everything and everybody does exist only to satisfy their narcissistic wants and needs. And they feel shocked when you do not agree with them on this.
While the victims are providing "the narcissistic supply" to the narcissists, the needs and wants of the victims are never being met. The victims are here only to serve the narcissists. The narcissists always target giving and forgiving people. The victims who provide the narcissistic supply are called "the narcissistic supply sources". The narcissists feed of positive and negative supply. Their ultimate goal is to sponge the victims of as much of the narcissistic supply as possible. It does not matter to them whether it is positive or negative. Supply is supply. The more supply, the better.
"The narcissistic supply" is everything that the victims can provide to the narcissists to help the narcissists feel better about themselves and take care of their needs and wants. Every narcissist lives a parasitic lifestyle not willing to work hard to build himself or herself up, they rather use others as the objects, tools and stepping stones to achieve their goals and they have no guilt to use manipulations, pathological lies and stealing to do so. The narcissists are well known users and they carefully choose the victims to parasite on them. They hide behind the mask of fake niceness to be able to parasite on their victims. They always use shortcuts to get their needs and wants met always trying to find the easiest way to get there. They do not see other people as human beings. The narcissists are very possessive, they only see other people as possessions and objects. Other people means nothing more to the narcissists than a table, a chair or a vacuum cleaner. In their heads, people does exist not to be loved but to be used. Once the narcissists feel they own you, in their heads, they own you forever. Your are their prisoner and slaver forever. In their heads, everything and everybody does exist only to satisfy their narcissistic wants and needs. And they feel shocked when you do not agree with them on this.
While the victims are providing "the narcissistic supply" to the narcissists, the needs and wants of the victims are never being met. The victims are here only to serve the narcissists. The narcissists always target giving and forgiving people. The victims who provide the narcissistic supply are called "the narcissistic supply sources". The narcissists feed of positive and negative supply. Their ultimate goal is to sponge the victims of as much of the narcissistic supply as possible. It does not matter to them whether it is positive or negative. Supply is supply. The more supply, the better.
The positive
emotional narcissistic supply is: sympathy, adulation, validation, admiration,
excessive positive attention, reflecting positive fantasy about the narcissists to them, feeling of importance, ego boost, sex, knowledge, ideas and intellectual properties, providing the narcissists with high social status, fame, helping them to maintain their "false self" mask to the public, stealing their victim´s personality and identity or any positive emotional reactions and emotional and
psychological support from the victims, etc.
As the narcissist´s emotional maturity is undeveloped and broken, they are emotionally fragile. They have void in their souls, low self esteem and low self worth, they are not capable to validate themselves and they need a constant emotional support of others to validate them. Without the validation from external sources, they would collapse. The normal healthy people are capable to validate themselves, it´s an inner job, it has nothing to do with other people or external world. The narcissists are not capable to validate themselves at all and that´s why they seek the validation outside of themselves. You can identify the narcissists easily - it´s those people who always run around from person to person in a manic way with a restless energy sucking the life of everybody (sucking the narcissistic supply). They can´t even sit alone for one hour alone in their room or home without constantly texting someone because they can´t be alone for more than 3 seconds, they can´t survive without the narcissistic supply. They jump from one romantic relationship to another without any break from dating due to their fear of being alone and being without the narcissistic supply. That´s why their romantic relationships always overlap. The narcissists are way more codependent than the codependents. If the codependents are codependents, then the narcissists are super codependents. The narcissists need codependents way more than the codependents need the narcissists. The narcissists can´t be alone, the alone "me time" scares them because it would mean they have to be alone with themselves and look deep within themselves, it scares them what they would possibly find in themselves. The skeletons in their closets. Their own shadows. Their own wounds. Realizing they are not perfect and they are not flawless. They do not love other people, they only love how others make them feel about themselves. That´s why when you ask a narcissists a question "what you like about me the most?", most of the narcissists will answer: "I like about you the most how you love me and how you take care of me". It´s always about them. It´s never about you. They will rank your love from 1 to 10 based on what you do for them and how good you regulate them. If you are a doormat-codependent who give up your own needs and wants and become only the narcissist´s servant and a punching bag, you will get 10. The narcissists see other people only as the tools to satisfy their need and wants and also to regulate their low self-esteem and internal chaos. They use other people as quick fix for their much deeper issues that need long term healing (which they avoid). They are like the heroin addicts - instead of healing their original trauma so they would not need the heroin to mask that trauma, they prefer to shot themselves with heroin to feel temporary good. The same as all other addicts, they need more and more "heroin" to sustain them. They are addicted to other people and without their validation they would collapse. They constantly need others to mirror back what they need to see to feel better about themselves. They often surround themselves with enablers and flying monkeys who lick their asses and praise them. They avoid people who criticize them. They make sure their pink bubble of disillusion is not being disturbed so they might continue to live in the lies and illusions. They do everything in order to keep their "false self" mask in tact to present the fake perfectionism. They use their flying monkeys and enablers as their "emotional pain relief pill".
As the narcissist´s emotional maturity is undeveloped and broken, they are emotionally fragile. They have void in their souls, low self esteem and low self worth, they are not capable to validate themselves and they need a constant emotional support of others to validate them. Without the validation from external sources, they would collapse. The normal healthy people are capable to validate themselves, it´s an inner job, it has nothing to do with other people or external world. The narcissists are not capable to validate themselves at all and that´s why they seek the validation outside of themselves. You can identify the narcissists easily - it´s those people who always run around from person to person in a manic way with a restless energy sucking the life of everybody (sucking the narcissistic supply). They can´t even sit alone for one hour alone in their room or home without constantly texting someone because they can´t be alone for more than 3 seconds, they can´t survive without the narcissistic supply. They jump from one romantic relationship to another without any break from dating due to their fear of being alone and being without the narcissistic supply. That´s why their romantic relationships always overlap. The narcissists are way more codependent than the codependents. If the codependents are codependents, then the narcissists are super codependents. The narcissists need codependents way more than the codependents need the narcissists. The narcissists can´t be alone, the alone "me time" scares them because it would mean they have to be alone with themselves and look deep within themselves, it scares them what they would possibly find in themselves. The skeletons in their closets. Their own shadows. Their own wounds. Realizing they are not perfect and they are not flawless. They do not love other people, they only love how others make them feel about themselves. That´s why when you ask a narcissists a question "what you like about me the most?", most of the narcissists will answer: "I like about you the most how you love me and how you take care of me". It´s always about them. It´s never about you. They will rank your love from 1 to 10 based on what you do for them and how good you regulate them. If you are a doormat-codependent who give up your own needs and wants and become only the narcissist´s servant and a punching bag, you will get 10. The narcissists see other people only as the tools to satisfy their need and wants and also to regulate their low self-esteem and internal chaos. They use other people as quick fix for their much deeper issues that need long term healing (which they avoid). They are like the heroin addicts - instead of healing their original trauma so they would not need the heroin to mask that trauma, they prefer to shot themselves with heroin to feel temporary good. The same as all other addicts, they need more and more "heroin" to sustain them. They are addicted to other people and without their validation they would collapse. They constantly need others to mirror back what they need to see to feel better about themselves. They often surround themselves with enablers and flying monkeys who lick their asses and praise them. They avoid people who criticize them. They make sure their pink bubble of disillusion is not being disturbed so they might continue to live in the lies and illusions. They do everything in order to keep their "false self" mask in tact to present the fake perfectionism. They use their flying monkeys and enablers as their "emotional pain relief pill".
The positive
materialistic supply is: money, free gifts, free vacations, free housing, paying their bills, visa, any offered help to fix or build something, etc.
The narcissists are highly materialistic opportunists. They belong to the cluster B type of the personality disorder, the same category as psychopaths and sociopaths. Just like the psychopaths, the narcissists have always hidden agendas and they are motivated by positive rewards. They never take any action without benefiting from it. They manipulate and brainwash other people to get what they want. They feel entitled to other people´s success as its their own and they feel entitled to other people´s properties and money ("What is mine is mine, what is yours is also mine"). They present the illusion of contribution to victim´s life but it is only a fake charade. They might appear very generous in love bombing stage in the beginning, but it is only a tactic on how to suck the victims into their web of lies. They will get their "investments" back in the devaluation and discard of the victims 10 times fold. If the narcissists invested 1 dollar in the victims, they will rip off the victims of 10 dollars in the end. They never invest in the victims without an agenda. If they encourage the victims in their career, it´s only because they benefit from the victim´s success and they can suck the victims of their resources. The narcissists are the professional and skilled parasites.
The givers always exhaust themselves and drain their resources in order to satisfy the narcissists. The victims are never being appreciated for their support and sacrifice. The narcissists "future fake" the victims with their magical thinking and they always feed their victims with fake promises just to hook and keep the victims in their abusive cycle. The narcissists provide the bread crumbs and fake love to the victims, just enough to keep the victims in their life so they can continue to use and abuse their victims. The narcissists never take any action that would not benefit them. Often times, the lazy narcissists program and condition the victims and overtime the victims find themselves to do everything for the narcissists while the narcissists do less and less in the relationships. The victims always end up being the servants of the narcissists. The narcissists do everything in order to gain power and control over the victims so they can keep drying the victim´s resources for their own personal gain and benefits.
The narcissists are highly materialistic opportunists. They belong to the cluster B type of the personality disorder, the same category as psychopaths and sociopaths. Just like the psychopaths, the narcissists have always hidden agendas and they are motivated by positive rewards. They never take any action without benefiting from it. They manipulate and brainwash other people to get what they want. They feel entitled to other people´s success as its their own and they feel entitled to other people´s properties and money ("What is mine is mine, what is yours is also mine"). They present the illusion of contribution to victim´s life but it is only a fake charade. They might appear very generous in love bombing stage in the beginning, but it is only a tactic on how to suck the victims into their web of lies. They will get their "investments" back in the devaluation and discard of the victims 10 times fold. If the narcissists invested 1 dollar in the victims, they will rip off the victims of 10 dollars in the end. They never invest in the victims without an agenda. If they encourage the victims in their career, it´s only because they benefit from the victim´s success and they can suck the victims of their resources. The narcissists are the professional and skilled parasites.
The givers always exhaust themselves and drain their resources in order to satisfy the narcissists. The victims are never being appreciated for their support and sacrifice. The narcissists "future fake" the victims with their magical thinking and they always feed their victims with fake promises just to hook and keep the victims in their abusive cycle. The narcissists provide the bread crumbs and fake love to the victims, just enough to keep the victims in their life so they can continue to use and abuse their victims. The narcissists never take any action that would not benefit them. Often times, the lazy narcissists program and condition the victims and overtime the victims find themselves to do everything for the narcissists while the narcissists do less and less in the relationships. The victims always end up being the servants of the narcissists. The narcissists do everything in order to gain power and control over the victims so they can keep drying the victim´s resources for their own personal gain and benefits.
The negative
emotional narcissistic supply is: Any negative emotions, negative attention and negative
reactions the narcissists are able to dig out of the victims such as
triggering the victims, make them upset, make them explode, humiliate them, shock them,
frighten them, scare them, hurt them, make them cry, make them beg or make the victims chase the
narcissists to obtain the answers for unresolved issues. Long and draining
arguments with the victims make the narcissists energized. It´s not a coincidence that after the arguments, the victims are absolutely drained of their energy while the narcissists are suddenly fueled and energized. The narcissists absolutely love conflicts because it´s their way how to suck the energy of others. The narcissists love when the victims chase them and beg them, it fuels them. They will withhold affection, communication from the victims and give them the cruel silent treatment only because the narcissists know it will trigger the disordered attachment styles and abandonment issues in their victims and the victims will chase them. The narcissists love to be chased by their victims and not only that. They also love to invalidate their victims and reject their victims to obtain some extra and further negative narcissistic supply from their poor victims. The narcissists feed of drama, confusion, chaos, pain, negativity and suffering of the victims. The narcissists are energy vampires and they are not capable to produce their own prana energy thus they need to feed the prana energy from others. The discomfort and the frustration of others fuel the narcissists. The ultimate goal of the narcissists is to destabilize the victims. They hate to see the victims happy and they would do everything in order to destroy the victim´s happiness and replace it with the sadness.
The narcissists put other people down to make themselves feel better about themselves. The narcissists feel chronically and pathologically small and the only way for them to have a false sense of feeling bigger is putting others down so their victims are even lower and smaller than the narcissists. They make and keep the victims small on purpose. The narcissists falsely convince the victims that they are small while in fact, the victims are actually much bigger than the narcissists. They use and abuse others with their need to always have others as their emotional punching bags. They always project their frustrations and negative emotions onto others, they always put their emotional baggage onto the shoulders of others so they do not need to deal with their own issues themselves. The victim´s purpose in the narcissist´s life is to carry the narcissist´s emotional baggage - this makes the victims tired and overwhelmed overtime while the narcissists feel energized and happy. The narcissists thrive in a chaotic environment full of drama and chaos. In fact, the narcissists are the ones who create the toxic environment, then they drag innocent people into their toxic environment to hold them there as their prisoners. The inner world of all narcissists is very cruel, miserable and empty, the narcissists are very insecure individuals with pathologically low self-esteem, they are full of negative emotions, full of anger, hate, chaos, envy, drama and that´s why they project all of those negative energies onto others to regulate themselves through their scapegoats. Every narcissist needs his scapegoat to use, abuse and destroy. The narcissists don´t know any other way how to regulate their dysregulated emotions than to regulate it through their scapegoats and that´s why every narcissist will eventually turn people who are closest to them into the abused victims. The narcissists hate themselves and they project their self-hate onto other people by hating on those people. The narcissists are cruel to themselves and their cruelness against others is only a projection.
The narcissists put other people down to make themselves feel better about themselves. The narcissists feel chronically and pathologically small and the only way for them to have a false sense of feeling bigger is putting others down so their victims are even lower and smaller than the narcissists. They make and keep the victims small on purpose. The narcissists falsely convince the victims that they are small while in fact, the victims are actually much bigger than the narcissists. They use and abuse others with their need to always have others as their emotional punching bags. They always project their frustrations and negative emotions onto others, they always put their emotional baggage onto the shoulders of others so they do not need to deal with their own issues themselves. The victim´s purpose in the narcissist´s life is to carry the narcissist´s emotional baggage - this makes the victims tired and overwhelmed overtime while the narcissists feel energized and happy. The narcissists thrive in a chaotic environment full of drama and chaos. In fact, the narcissists are the ones who create the toxic environment, then they drag innocent people into their toxic environment to hold them there as their prisoners. The inner world of all narcissists is very cruel, miserable and empty, the narcissists are very insecure individuals with pathologically low self-esteem, they are full of negative emotions, full of anger, hate, chaos, envy, drama and that´s why they project all of those negative energies onto others to regulate themselves through their scapegoats. Every narcissist needs his scapegoat to use, abuse and destroy. The narcissists don´t know any other way how to regulate their dysregulated emotions than to regulate it through their scapegoats and that´s why every narcissist will eventually turn people who are closest to them into the abused victims. The narcissists hate themselves and they project their self-hate onto other people by hating on those people. The narcissists are cruel to themselves and their cruelness against others is only a projection.
The negative
materialistic narcissistic supply is: The narcissists feed of sabotaging the careers, relationships and life of the victims, managing to damage the materialistic items of the victims (the victim´s property, belongings, etc.), stealing from the victims, forcing the victims to clean after the narcissist´s mess, etc.
The covert narcissists feel very and chronically insignificant due to their low self esteem and the sense of unworthiness developed in their childhood.
The feeling that they can have any kind of influence in people´s life
qualifies for them as the fuel and the narcissistic supply. One of the
greatest nightmare of the narcissists is them being forgotten and non
existent to others. Any slight opportunity to force the victims to
recognize their existence feed them. This is the reason why they try to
traumatize the victims and damage everything in the victim´s life before
they discard them because the narcissists want to remain present in their heads
nonstop even when they are gone for years.
The collapsed covert narcissists:
The
covert narcissists are constantly on a low fuel due to their
introverted nature and issues with getting the sources of narcissistic
supply which results in them having low energy, low motivation and
grumpy moods. The narcissists without fuel and without the narcissistic
supplies are low functioning narcissists. The narcissists are like the
cars. They can function only when they have the fuel in their cars. The
victims are the gas stations for the narcissists who constantly fuel
them with the narcissistic supply. Once the narcissists run out of the
fuel, they fell into the depression episodes. The deficit of the
narcissistic supplies cause them an emotional narcissistic injury and they become what they are in their "normal state" - negative, miserable, moody with feelings of a deep emptiness and loneliness. The narcissists are haunted by the perfection which is impossible to attain. Nothing is ever enough for them, nothing is good for them. No amount of love, attention, money will ever make them happy.
The narcissists value the negative narcissistic supply more than the positive:
If the narcissists are not able to gain the positive narcissistic supply, they will try to gain at least the negative narcissistic supply. The negative narcissistic supply is better than no supply at all. The narcissists even value the negative supply more than the positive supply as the more pain they cause to their victims, the more significant they feel. That´s why the devaluation and abuse of every victim is inevitable. They are predictable as they always follow their patterns of the narcissists abuse - idealize, devalue, discard with every victim. As they have a sadistic need to project their negative emotions (and the narcissists are full of them) onto someone else so they do not need to deal with their negative emotions, the projection of those negative emotions onto the victims is inevitable. Sooner or later, every victim will go through the narcissistic abuse with the narcissists.
The narcissists always choose those victims who can do the most for them:
The narcissists do not choose the victims based on how much they love them as the narcissists are not capable of love due to lack of empathy. The empathy is a base for true love and intimacy. When you do not posses empathy, you are not capable to love. Although, the narcissists are award winning actors so they know very well how to fake "love". The narcissists can give you only the fake love, they are not capable of true love. The narcissists choose their victims solely based on what the victims can do for the narcissists. Say "no" to the narcissists and you will see their true face. They will be gone with the wind. The narcissists are nice only when they want something from their victims. The narcissists always choose the victims who can do the most for them. They discard the old sources of supply in a blink of an eyes and in a cold way when they find a better source of the supply. But before they leave their victims for another of their future victims, they will make sure they grab what they can - they set the victims up in order to rip off everything they can from them leaving the victim´s resources dry. The victims even find themselves in cleaning the mess behind the narcissists.
The victims need to figure out for themselves what is the type of the narcissistic supply the narcissists want from them as every narcissist is slightly different. The narcissists who are not resourceful might focus more on materialistic gain. The more wealthy narcissists focus more on power and control over their victims and make their victims dependent on them so they can turn them into the slaves, prisoners and emotional punching bags.
Solution:
In order to sustain your resources and mental health, you have to go no contact with every toxic person in your life. It does not matter who it is - if its your mother, father, child, husband, girlfriend or best friend. If they are narcissists, they are highly toxic and they will destabilize your safety and your life. Its important to understand that the narcissists will sacrifice your stability, health, life if they can benefit from it. The first step in healing is to clean your life from parasites who sabotage your abundance, drain your resources and energy because your resources and energy are ment for you, not for the narcissists. If you keep a toxic person in your life, you will be finding yourself being dragged down over and over again. You are not responsible for the narcissists. Also, they only want to waste your time - you should focus on building your best life, the God did not give you your precious time on this Earth to constantly manage every manufactured crisis the narcissists create in your life on purpose. You have to laser focus on your life and positivity. You can have a wonderful and peaceful life! Once you have cleaned your life from the negative factors, you can start to heal and (re)build your life. But first, you have to take yourself from the sick environment in order to feel happy, healthy and resourceful again. Misery loves company. Avoid miserable people.
The narcissists value the negative narcissistic supply more than the positive:
If the narcissists are not able to gain the positive narcissistic supply, they will try to gain at least the negative narcissistic supply. The negative narcissistic supply is better than no supply at all. The narcissists even value the negative supply more than the positive supply as the more pain they cause to their victims, the more significant they feel. That´s why the devaluation and abuse of every victim is inevitable. They are predictable as they always follow their patterns of the narcissists abuse - idealize, devalue, discard with every victim. As they have a sadistic need to project their negative emotions (and the narcissists are full of them) onto someone else so they do not need to deal with their negative emotions, the projection of those negative emotions onto the victims is inevitable. Sooner or later, every victim will go through the narcissistic abuse with the narcissists.
The narcissists always choose those victims who can do the most for them:
The narcissists do not choose the victims based on how much they love them as the narcissists are not capable of love due to lack of empathy. The empathy is a base for true love and intimacy. When you do not posses empathy, you are not capable to love. Although, the narcissists are award winning actors so they know very well how to fake "love". The narcissists can give you only the fake love, they are not capable of true love. The narcissists choose their victims solely based on what the victims can do for the narcissists. Say "no" to the narcissists and you will see their true face. They will be gone with the wind. The narcissists are nice only when they want something from their victims. The narcissists always choose the victims who can do the most for them. They discard the old sources of supply in a blink of an eyes and in a cold way when they find a better source of the supply. But before they leave their victims for another of their future victims, they will make sure they grab what they can - they set the victims up in order to rip off everything they can from them leaving the victim´s resources dry. The victims even find themselves in cleaning the mess behind the narcissists.
The victims need to figure out for themselves what is the type of the narcissistic supply the narcissists want from them as every narcissist is slightly different. The narcissists who are not resourceful might focus more on materialistic gain. The more wealthy narcissists focus more on power and control over their victims and make their victims dependent on them so they can turn them into the slaves, prisoners and emotional punching bags.
Solution:
In order to sustain your resources and mental health, you have to go no contact with every toxic person in your life. It does not matter who it is - if its your mother, father, child, husband, girlfriend or best friend. If they are narcissists, they are highly toxic and they will destabilize your safety and your life. Its important to understand that the narcissists will sacrifice your stability, health, life if they can benefit from it. The first step in healing is to clean your life from parasites who sabotage your abundance, drain your resources and energy because your resources and energy are ment for you, not for the narcissists. If you keep a toxic person in your life, you will be finding yourself being dragged down over and over again. You are not responsible for the narcissists. Also, they only want to waste your time - you should focus on building your best life, the God did not give you your precious time on this Earth to constantly manage every manufactured crisis the narcissists create in your life on purpose. You have to laser focus on your life and positivity. You can have a wonderful and peaceful life! Once you have cleaned your life from the negative factors, you can start to heal and (re)build your life. But first, you have to take yourself from the sick environment in order to feel happy, healthy and resourceful again. Misery loves company. Avoid miserable people.
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