The
narcissists are very charming in the love bombing stage. They put their
victims on the pedestal and treat them like the queens and kings. They
parading them all over the social media and in front of a family and
friends. The narcissists are on their best behavior in the beginning of
the relationships so its very easy to overlook the red flags in an early
stage of a narcissistic abuse cycle. They over- do everything in the
beginning. They over-help, over-care, over-praise, over-gift their
victims. And then it stops. The victims enter the devaluation stage.
Instead of a huge expensive fresh bunch of flowers the victims have been
receiving in the beginning, the victims suddenly start to receiving
half death cheap and broken bunch of flowers as a form of a covert
insult. The devaluation stage is the time for queens and kings to be
dragged off their pedestals. And the cracks in the masks of the
narcissists start to show here and there.
1. That shocking moment when Dr. Jekyll left and Mr. Hyde arrived will be burnt into the memory of every victim forever.
Usually,
right before the discard, the masks of the narcissists slip off
completely in front of their victims. It is a very bizarre, shocking and
scary experience. The faces of the narcissists become emotionless,
their eyes hateful and empty, affection very flat. The change in their
personalities, behaviors, habits, tones and sounds of their voices, styles of
talking, the way of dressing change radically overnight. The victims go
sleep with a person A and wake up the next day to the person B. The
change is very sudden. At this point, the narcissists already started to
mirror their new victims and started to take on their personalities
which completely confuse their current victims. More and more each day
they are showing their true face to the current victims - and behind
their masks is nothing, only cold empty darkness. The victims can be married
to their narcissists for 10, 20 even 50 years, but because of the sudden
change (the mask slip) they can´t recognize their narcissistic
partners at all. It feels like to wake up in the morning to the stranger. The
narcissists will keep their fake facade in front of others but behind
the closed doors with the victims it is a completely different story.
Many victims when they look back and evaluate the end of the devaluation
stage, they recall very bizarre events with the narcissists and they
claim the events were life threatening ("accidents" that they had the
luck to survive and much later they realized those were not
accidents...).
2. The narcissists are serial cheaters and live double life.
Did
you ever read the stories somewhere on internet about the individuals
who had 2 families with children in 2 different countries with 2
different partners? Or about individuals who were in many affairs for
many years without any of their partners discovering it? Or about
husbands who discarded their families overnight and disappeared on them
while their wifes have been accused of their murders and then those
husbands have been found years later alive and in the different
countries living a new life with their new families? Then, you most
probably have read the stories that featured the narcissists. The
narcissists are usually serial cheaters and they live double life. The
narcissists have always multiple sources of narcissistic supply. They
have a narcissistic harem. They often pretend in front of the audience
that they have a perfect family life using their main source of supply (for example husbands or wifes)
as a security blanket while they are cheating with many other people aside. They hide a lot of dirty secrets while they play
the perfect husbands, the perfect wifes, the perfect dads or mums at
home, the perfect American family type in front of their audiences. The
narcissists are the perfect illusionists. Nothing is real with them. The
contract killer "Iceman" has been married for 26 years to his wife
Barbara, they had 3 children together. His wife did not know the whole
time they have been living together that he worked as a contract killer.
He lived double life - part of him lived a family life and the other
part of him killed around 200 people through his "career". A lot
of narcissists (and in general cluster B type of the personality
individuals) suffer also from sexual deviations or are secret hidden
homosexuals and they hide behind the perfect family pictures on the
social medias. The partners of the narcissists live for years either in
denial, cognitive dissonance or in a completely isolated bubble away from
the reality and the wake up call and awakening is usually very drastic.
The victims think they live the perfect life and happy relationships
with the narcissists while in fact, they live in a nightmare and in a
bubble of illusions.
3. The narcissists are pathological liars.
The
narcissists suffer from compulsive syndrome of lying. They lie, then
they lie even more to cover the previous lies. They lie even when they
do not need to. They lie for adrenaline rush and fun. They lie out of the habit.
They lie about the big deals, they lie even about ridiculous little
things. The narcissists have an addiction to a narcissistic supply and the
same way as any other addicted people (for example drug addicts or
alcoholics), they will lie and manipulate to secure their fuel, gain the
narcissistic supply and get the benefits from other people. Their
behavior is not personal. They will use, abuse, manipulate and lie to
anybody because of their addiction.
4. The narcissists discard their victims at the victim´s lowest points in their life and at the most vulnerable times.
The
narcissists might appear very carrying in the love bombing stage, but
once the victims enter the devaluation and discard stage, the victims
are in an utter shock of how cold and cruel the narcissists start to
treat them. They will switch from the most loving people on the Earth to
the most coldblooded heartless individuals on Earth. One of the most
dangerous facts about narcissists is the illusion of safety they create
for their victims. The narcissists are paradoxically very good company
in the good times. The narcissists do not abuse 24/7. Due to their
undeveloped EQ (emotional intelligence), they are very childish thus the
victims might experience a lot of fun with them. Any time where the
narcissists do not need to be held accountable or take the life
seriously and responsibly, they excel. The moment the life become rough,
they have no capacity to handle any stress and emotional pain. They
never take the life seriously where is appropriate to take it seriously.
When the life with the narcissists is good, its the greatest, when its
bad, its the worst. The narcissists usually ghost and disappear on the
victims when the victims go through the challenging times or traumatic
events such as battling a cancer, being pregnant, being sick, losing a
job, grieving the loss of their beloved, etc. For example, the
narcissist will ignore the victim who is calling him or her for help
from the other room while vomiting in the bathroom feeling sick, the
narcissist will pretend he or she sleeps. The narcissist will ignore
that the victim is massively bleeding in the bed after the miscarriage.
The narcissist will act like nothing is happening (not even looking at
the victim and pretending the victim is invisible). They might even seem angry on the victims for the victims
being sick. The narcissist will ignore the victim who has a heart attack
while watching the victim battles for life, even with the smirk on his
or her face. The narcissists are emotionally unavailable to emotionally
support the victims during rough times. They might even laugh or have a smirk on their face when the victims are crying. The narcissists neglect the
victims in a cold way and not comfort them after the loss of
their beloved ones. The narcissists ignore the victims during the
victim´s depression, they ignore the elephant in the room. The
narcissists do not offer a hug or an uplifting word to the victims
who just had a panic attacks. Its as someone turned off the switch inside
of the narcissists and they switched to completely cold inhuman robots with blank stares. Paradoxically, the narcissists are always very
passionate to offer help to complete strangers to obtain the
positive narcissistic supply from them while they coldly ignore their closest
beloved ones who need help. In the minds of the narcissists everybody
should be only healthy and happy and if the victims are not happy and
healthy, the narcissists always leave them because sad and sick people do not provide them with the narcissistic supply and the attention is taken away from them. They might even make the victims feel worst by extracting the negative narcissistic supply from them. The narcissists lack of empathy and that´s why they see sad and sick people as burden.
5. The narcissists often destroy events, holidays and funerals.
It
causes a narcissistic injury to the narcissists when the spotlight is
taken away from them. They need to be constantly a center of an
attention and they have to punish everybody who would be in the
spotlight for a change instead of them. They are jealous of everybody
who are center of the attention and they have the need to take the
revenge on those people by ruining their special moments so everybody
refocus the attention back to them. This includes even times when the
victims are mourning and grieving the loss of their beloved ones - its
very common that the narcissists punish the victims for their grieving
as the attention is on someone else than on the narcissists, even those
people who received the attention are dead and have the funerals... The
narcissists can´t find any decency and humanity inside of them also
during the bdays, vacations, Christmas or any other events where people
have a festive mood. They can´t stand happy people and they make
everything in their power to replace their happiness with the sadness.
6. The narcissists leave the victims financially bankrupted and drive them into a despair and suicidal thoughts.
No matter if the narcissists are poor or wealthy, they are pathologically greedy and the materialistic opportunists. They always suck their victims dry and they make sure the victims can´t leave them with anything but the shirts on their backs. They have tendency to destroy the victim´s life in the discard stage of the narcissistic abuse. They make sure the victims end up destroyed financially, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and that the victims are driven to despair and suicidal thoughts. The narcissists are known for playing a very dirty game.
7. The narcissists give bad advice to the victims on purpose because they want to see the victims to fail.
The narcissists either withhold the important information, mislead people on purpose, share lies, provide half truths or provide a bad advice on purpose to the victims because they can´t stand when something good is happening to others. They have a sadistic pleasure to see other people to fail.
8. The narcissists are lazy so that´s why they condition and program the victims to be their slavers.
The narcissists work hard on conditioning and molding their victims from the very beginning of the relationships. They train the victims to be the perfect slavers without boundaries who will pay and do everything for the narcissists without even questioning them. The narcissists are a great actors, they always loudly complain how hard their work, but what they really do is actually hiding behind the hard working people´s back, being lazy and parasite on others. High functioning cluster Bs might have an OCD syndrome and they are much more capable, but the low functioning cluster Bs feel very superior to others, they feel entitled for others work for them - at home, they fail chores on purpose so they condition the victims to never ask for help with the chores again. The victims do laundry for the whole family but when the victims get sick, the narcissists will wash clothes only for themselves ignoring the clothes of others. They have too many expectations towards others while they do not contribute to the life of the victims almost anything positive.
9. The narcissists are never happy for the achievements of their victims.
The narcissists are pathologically envious people. They can´t stand to see others succeed. They downplay the victim´s success, minimize them, make the victims feel bad about their achievements or make fun of their success. Instead of congratulation to the victims, the victims receive only the silent treatment. On the other hand, the narcissists always light up when they hear bad news of others.
10. The narcissists give to the victims what they do not want and withhold what the victims really want. Yes, the narcissists do not make any sense to normal people.
The life with the narcissists is completely upside down. Nothing makes sense. The narcissists often give the victims something that they did not have but had no use. When the victims say they do not like something, thats exactly what they will get from the narcissists. When the victims ask for something they really want, they never get it. When the victims tell the narcissists what make them happy or what the victims are grateful for, the mission of the narcissists become to take this happiness away from their victims. For example, when the victims ask the narcissists for the favor to go to the grocery store to buy a bread, a butter and a strawberry ice-cream (and they repeatedly say to the narcissists that they hate a vanilla ice-cream), guess what? The narcissists will come back from the grocery store with no bread, no butter, no strawberry ice-cream, instead the narcissists will bring home 3 packs of vanilla ice-cream.
No matter if the narcissists are poor or wealthy, they are pathologically greedy and the materialistic opportunists. They always suck their victims dry and they make sure the victims can´t leave them with anything but the shirts on their backs. They have tendency to destroy the victim´s life in the discard stage of the narcissistic abuse. They make sure the victims end up destroyed financially, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and that the victims are driven to despair and suicidal thoughts. The narcissists are known for playing a very dirty game.
7. The narcissists give bad advice to the victims on purpose because they want to see the victims to fail.
The narcissists either withhold the important information, mislead people on purpose, share lies, provide half truths or provide a bad advice on purpose to the victims because they can´t stand when something good is happening to others. They have a sadistic pleasure to see other people to fail.
8. The narcissists are lazy so that´s why they condition and program the victims to be their slavers.
The narcissists work hard on conditioning and molding their victims from the very beginning of the relationships. They train the victims to be the perfect slavers without boundaries who will pay and do everything for the narcissists without even questioning them. The narcissists are a great actors, they always loudly complain how hard their work, but what they really do is actually hiding behind the hard working people´s back, being lazy and parasite on others. High functioning cluster Bs might have an OCD syndrome and they are much more capable, but the low functioning cluster Bs feel very superior to others, they feel entitled for others work for them - at home, they fail chores on purpose so they condition the victims to never ask for help with the chores again. The victims do laundry for the whole family but when the victims get sick, the narcissists will wash clothes only for themselves ignoring the clothes of others. They have too many expectations towards others while they do not contribute to the life of the victims almost anything positive.
9. The narcissists are never happy for the achievements of their victims.
The narcissists are pathologically envious people. They can´t stand to see others succeed. They downplay the victim´s success, minimize them, make the victims feel bad about their achievements or make fun of their success. Instead of congratulation to the victims, the victims receive only the silent treatment. On the other hand, the narcissists always light up when they hear bad news of others.
10. The narcissists give to the victims what they do not want and withhold what the victims really want. Yes, the narcissists do not make any sense to normal people.
The life with the narcissists is completely upside down. Nothing makes sense. The narcissists often give the victims something that they did not have but had no use. When the victims say they do not like something, thats exactly what they will get from the narcissists. When the victims ask for something they really want, they never get it. When the victims tell the narcissists what make them happy or what the victims are grateful for, the mission of the narcissists become to take this happiness away from their victims. For example, when the victims ask the narcissists for the favor to go to the grocery store to buy a bread, a butter and a strawberry ice-cream (and they repeatedly say to the narcissists that they hate a vanilla ice-cream), guess what? The narcissists will come back from the grocery store with no bread, no butter, no strawberry ice-cream, instead the narcissists will bring home 3 packs of vanilla ice-cream.
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