A lot of narcissistic serial killers were known as "a nice people" or "quiet and non - problematic" by their neighbors and coworkers. In fact, the individuals suffering from cluster B type of the personality disorders are one of the most charming people you can ever meet. At first, they are super sweet, very charming, great company, the greatest lovers, ultra best friends. The narcissists will put an intense work into trapping you. Intense love bombing is nothing else than a form of a manipulation to trap you. The narcissists will be manic to trap you as soon as possible because they know that what they present to you is fake and they are not capable to sustain their fake image for too long in front of you, they know their mask will fall off soon and you will see the real crazy monster lurking behind that mask so you have to be trapped sooner than this happens. It´s not unusual that the narcissists will urge people to marry them after very short time of knowing them to trap them with "the trap marriages" or they will trap their victims with "the trap pregnancies" with "the trap babies" very shortly after they met their victims.
Ted Bundy is a great example of a seemingly charming, well articulated, confident, friendly narcissistic psychopath and serial killer with the great social skills. Even with an overwhelming evidence, even after he was convicted of murders, many people from his circle still did not believe he was a serial killer and he murdered many women. The master manipulators know how to brainwash people around them.
“I still have a sense of disbelief that this man that I loved and that
seemed to be a great guy could go out and do such horrific things,” - Ted Bundy´s ex-girlfriend
"This can´t be. I keep shaking my head saying how can this be? Because he had lot of friends, he was a very good student in school, very normal active boy." - Ted Bundy´s mother
"I don´t think he could ever be a serial killer. He´s way too shy. That Ted Bundy guy, he was pretty outgoing, from what I heard." - Jess
Ted Bundy was in a relationship with his girlfriend for 5 years while he was murdering other women. She had no clue about his "activities". His girlfriend described their relationship as "largely happy". Even her daughter loved Ted Bundy and considered him "a nice guy". She said about Ted Bundy: "I adored this man." It´s very common that the narcissists live a double life. Sometimes even triple life. The victims are often in a deep cognitive dissonance about the monsters they live with. Ted Bundy confessed that he tried to kill even his own girlfriend: "I closed the damper so the smoke couldn't go up the chimney. And then I left and put a towel in the crack under the door so the smoke would stay in the apartment." She luckily survived. This was not the only attempt to kill his girlfriend, there were more. And even after the direct confession that came straight from the mouth of Ted Bundy, even decades after Ted Bundy was convicted of murders of many women, his ex girlfriend still lives in a cognitive dissonance: “I hate to even say this because it makes him sound normal, but I do think he loved us.” The cognitive dissonance is a very very very dangerous form of self-gaslighting when the victims are trauma bonded to their abusers with a Stockholm Syndrome.
Often, the victims do not even need the narcissists to gaslight them. The victims often self-gaslight themselves with idealizing other people´s characters without even truly know those people deeper. They are creating idealized scenarios in their heads about people they barely know. After one week of dating, they are already searching online for the wedding dresses. When something feels fishy, they do not double check the suspicions and facts. They brush the red flags off their shoulders. They ignore the elephant in the room. Even the elephant is cute and pink covered in a golden glitter, it is still an elephant in the middle of the tiny room that should not be ignored. If it is walking like a duck, if it is quaking like a duck, it is a duck. It is not a cat. The victims are often the complicit in living and creating the fantasy together with their narcissistic lunatic abusers. They co-create and self-create the fantasy by ignoring the reality. Especially the codependents have a tendency to idealize the narcissists because both codependents and narcissists were a product of narcissistic parenting in their childhood and that´s why the codependents have a higher chance to attract the narcissists than any other normal people. We usually date our most dysfunctional parent through other people. If your parent was a narcissist and you developed a codependency, the chance that you will attract the narcissists as your partners is really high. If both of your parents were the narcissists, then your dating romantic life will look like a scene from a wild horror movie. What the narcissists and the codependents have in common is the tendency to run into the fantasy land. When little children experiencing some traumatic or dangerous event, they are often running into the fantasy world to protect themselves from the cruel crazy reality. It is a copying mechanism. When these children become the adults and they did not do the healing work on themselves, they will still have this tendency to live in their little fantasy bubbles feeling pseudo-safe from the reality. So, when the narcissists lure their codependent victims into their fantasies, the codependents will "cooperate" with the narcissists to further create and sustain this fantasy world. Dissociation and living in a fantasy bubble is a very deep subconscious programming that the codependents developed in their childhood and they do not even realize they are acting out their unhealed wounds and trauma. The narcissists and codependents are cut off from reality pretty often. The codependents were so used to being gaslighted by their narcissistic parents in their childhood that it is their blind spot when their narcissistic partners are gaslighting them too. The gaslighting is "normal" for the codependents (even it is of course not normal at all, but codependents lived in gaslighting their entire life so they are unable to see their own blind spot). If you stay in the fantasy world too long with the narcissists, you will completely loose yourself in the hunted house full of broken mirrors. This is where reality check is very important. The narcissists have a tendency to isolate their victims from their support systems - from the friends and the family so it is even easier for the abusers to brainwash their victims. Having a real healthy friend to talk to and let the friend to do the reality check for you is crucial. If your friends tell you that something feels off, listen to them. Something is really off. Educate yourself on narcissism and codependency, listen to what the victims, online coaches and therapists have to say on the internet about the experiences with the narcissists. Many times the victims want so badly to make the toxic relationships with dangerous individuals to work because they fell for the fairy-tales and romantic BS in TV that they just don´t want to see the reality. So, they slide into a twisted fairy-tale that will sooner or later turn into a nightmare horror movie. The reality is often right in front of the victim´s face and they ignore it.
A lot of Ted Bundy´s victims entered his car voluntary, he did not dragged them into the car with aggression. He lured them in with his superficial charm. He used "false signaling" to signal to the victims that he is "safe". When the targets meet someone who is super nice, well dressed, well spoken with soft calm voice, they put their guards down and them putting those guards down is exactly what the abusers were trying to achieve in the first place. Now the targets are in a vulnerable position where the targets are ready to be easily attacked, lured, killed, robbed and hit by the surprise. Not having the guards up and moment of surprise radically decrease their chances to react promptly and adequately.
One victim of Ted Bundy who survived was describing the moments with Ted
Bundy. She was waiting for a bus in the middle of freezing winter and
the bus was not coming when Ted Bundy´s car pulled over and he offered
her the ride to school. She described Ted as very nice, very charming,
looking very decent and she felt safe to get in his car (narcissistic love bombing).
The moment she closed the car door, she noticed that the car doorknob
was missing and she can´t get out. The moment he trapped her in the car,
his mask slipped off and over the second, he completely changed from "a
nice guy" to a monster. He started to scream at her nasty words,
calling her names and telling her that she will never make it alive out
of the car and she will never arrive to the school (narcissistic discard). The
extreme manipulators are highly deceptive.
A serial killer who is killing the prostitutes is sending the
false signal "I am safe" to his targets by placing a toddler car seat
and few toys to the back of his car. Even he has no children at all.
This makes his targets feels subconsciously safe with him and they think
that he is only a harmless safe daddy on an adventure trip. The targets
will voluntary and with a smile on their faces enter the killer´s trap. This is being called "Halo Effect". It is a psychology term that
describes an error in reasoning based on one single trait (both,
positive or negative) of other person. Based on seeing few toys and one toddler car seat, the target came to the conclusion that this person is safe and nice. But it was a deception using the "Halo Effect" principle.
Another great example of a "Halo Effect" is a movie character "Professor Severus Snape" from a movie "Harry Potter". Severus is a character who always dresses in black clothes from neck to toes, he never smiles and he is very reserved to other people. The first impression of him is that he seems to be bad negative, dark and cold. It took people to watch the 8-film collection to the very end for people to understand that despite what was the first impression of him, he was actually a good positive character and he was fighting against the darkness the entire movie. Sometimes people who seems overly cute, nice and wears nice clothes might be actually your enemies and they are actually not cute and not nice at all. And people who might at first give you a negative impression might be actually a good people with good intentions towards you and your life. How the saying goes? Never judge a book by its cover. This applies triple when it comes to the narcissists. Remember, trust is earned, not given. When you meet new people, make sure you take a proper and appropriate time to know those people before you jump into any conclusions or judgments of someone´s character. Because you will be very surprised who is who. Of course, the first impression is important. All normal people should be nice and dress nice when you first meet them. But they should be nice all the time, not only during the love bombing. If someone is nice and then suddenly they turn into a nasty monster, you know they are not a nice people. Before the narcissist´s mask completely fall off, if you really pay an attention to the red flags, you will see the cracks in their masks here and there. They will be nice, then they will switch to being nasty, then they will switch back to being nice, then they will be nasty again, on repeat. Do not ignore those little moments of truth. Abusers are not abusing 24/7. It´s more about switching between buying you flowers and 2 hours later punching you in the face, then taking you on an awesome vacation but verbally abuse you the whole time on that vacation. You will experience also good moments with the abusers which is exactly what makes the victims to slide into the cognitive dissonance. The narcissistic abusers are known for Jekyll and Hyde type of personality and mind games, you never know where you stand with them. One minute they are the most sweet caring people on the planet, the next minute they switch to a monsters, then they switch back to the sweet caring people, on repeat. First impression is not that important as people might think. Never judge people based on first impression or one bad /one good trait. It does not matter what people wear and say the first 5 minutes after you meet them. What matters is the decent behavior they sustain around you the entire time, not only the 5 minutes after you meet them. Sometimes a person who is loud cursing with bad words wearing rock and roll crazy clothes can be more decent person than someone who is quiet and wearing an elegant suit. I mean, most of the elegant politicians are narcissists. Give yourself a time to know people properly. People are often naturally drawn to narcissists because overt type of the narcissists are usually the most charming people in the room. They are super funny, they steal the room, they dress well, they say funny jokes, they flatter the hell out of you, they give you expensive gifts already on the first dates. But soon you will discover that all of that was nothing just a charade and illusion.
The narcissists only worry about their image. The image is everything for them. They only worry how everything around them impact them. They don´t care how the narcissists impact other people and their image. False image is the number one important thing in every narcissist´s life, they will defend their falseness to an extreme, they are even capable to kill someone if it means they will protect their public image. Most of the cluster Bs do not kill at all in their lifetime, however, it does not mean they are not capable of killing. Every person who becomes a threat to the narcissist´s manufactured image, the narcissists will do everything in their power to eliminate and discredit this person (usually with smear campaigns, gossips, lies, manipulations, character assassination, etc). They will protect their "false self mask" and their fake image AT ALL COST. They have to always appear as "good girls" and "good boys" in front of everybody. And because the narcissists have a black and white thinking, if they are ALWAYS good, you must be the bad one. This is the reason why they smear campaign people when they do something bad to those people. Because in the narcissists mind, they can´t see themselves as bad, it would cause a tremendous painful narcissistic injury to them so they have to fabricate the reality that can match their disillusion - they have to always appear as good so the victims have to be automatically portrayed as bad. When the narcissists want to lure you in their fantasy world, the manipulators present to you their false identity and send the false signals your way. In most cases, the victims did not even see the narcissistic attack and abuse coming at all. The narcissist´s attack usually comes out of nowhere and it is very sudden. They act seemingly normal till the very last second. The most scariest moment of every victim´s life is the moment when the narcissist, sociopath and psychopath´s masks fall off in a matter of the seconds and they see the real monsters that were hiding behind those masks all along. The sudden narcissistic attacks, the drastic sudden changes in reality and the character of the narcissists shock the victims to the core. The sudden giant trauma of the victim´s brain is very traumatic. The brain of the victims has a very hard time to process this mindfuck and the brain is traumatized. Because the narcissists protect their image at all cost and usually only one or few closest people ever saw the monster´s real side, it is almost impossible for the victims to speak out about this traumatic narcissistic abuse as nobody believes the real victims. The normal people don´t know how to lie and manipulate even if they want to do so. The narcissists manipulate and lie like professionals without even trying because they do it since the fist day on this planet. The normal people stands no chance to defend themselves in the war with the narcissistic master manipulators. Most of the people who are NOT close to the narcissists know the narcissists as charming, overly-nice and with a 100% perfect image. The narcissist´s life is nothing else than one big fat lie, a giant fantasy and illusion. And they are masters at being the illusionists. They are capable to manufacture the entire reality. Living with the narcissists is like living in a simulation. The narcissists will work hard to earn your trust and the moment you trust the narcissists, they betray your trust. They earn your trust only to betray you. They know that the only way to betray you is working on your trust first. Its evil. They work so hard to make you feel relaxed around them so you put your guards down and the moment your guards are down, they will verbally, emotionally, psychologically or physically attack you. They will mislead you with signaling A but proceeding with B. When you fell in love with the narcissist, you did fell in love with the mask that the narcissists wear (know as "false self mask). The narcissists do not have any "self" in the first place. They are empty shells. There is nobody home. They lack of personality. You fell in love with illusion. That´s why when the narcissist´s mask fell off, you are in a shock what is standing in front of you - the monster. The monster is the real narcissist. When the mask is down, this is who they really are. All the nice gestures, nice vacations, flattering, all those good things you experienced with the narcissists were not genuine, it was an illusion and the manipulation.
The narcissists do not hide only their falseness and craziness behind their fake image. They often force people closest to them to wear the fake masks too. If you live in a narcissistic family, the narcissists will include all family members in their PR campaign. The narcissists run from their true authentic selves and hide behind other people´s back and force others to be fake too in order to protect the narcissist´s false reality. The perfect families usually hide the most dirty secrets. The narcissistic mother will make sure her children are dressed well. Not because she loves her children and wants her children to feel confident and good about themselves. She dresses them well because she wants to look like a mother of the year in front of her "audience". It´s all about her, what people thinks about her, it´s not about her children. The children does not matter. They will be abused behind the doors once the audience will be out of sight and camera stops rolling. If a scapegoat of a narcissistic family will not want to play this fake charade, the scapegoat will be severely punished for not supporting the fake image of the narcissistic family.
Its very bizarre how the narcissists often praise their own selves to reinforce their fake "positive image". They don´t even wait for others to praise them, they praise themselves. The narcissists often say how "everybody loves them". They often say bizarre sentences such as:
1) I am such a good person. Everybody loves/likes me. I came to the event yesterday and the moment I have entered the room, everybody loved me immediately, I have got so many business cards and free food.
2) I don´t know where they would be without me. They just can´t function without me. I am the only person doing everything for them. I am very important.
3) I am the best. Did you see how John did it? I must come and correct him. I saved the whole situation. I am a caring person. I am a good person.
One normal person would think that the narcissists are joking (and the normal people usually really thinks that the narcissists are only joking, they think maybe its the narcissist´s weird sense of humor) and later (usually when they look back), they realize that the narcissists were deadly serious. The narcissists are hypocrites, their words and actions do not match. They do horrible actions but they praise their own selves like they are good people. It only shows how extremely delusional the narcissists are. That´s why it´s important not to listen to what people say (because people can say a lot of shi_t) but rather watch their actions (their actions speak louder than the words).
Of course, self-love and positive affirmation should be a part of everybody´s mental hygiene but when the narcissistic person who steals, lies, cheats come to you and say " I am a good person", you don´t know if you want to start laughing right in their face or punch them to wake them up from their little narcissistic wet dream.
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