Narcissists are like Dracula - they fear light and they choose to live in the darkness, falseness, fantasy world and they wear "false self masks". They fear light, authenticity, truth and reality. The narcissists prefer to live in a fantasy and every time you confront them with the reality, they will run, hide or attack you. They will stay with you or they will be around you only if you are willing to give up reality and support their fantasy lalaland. Nothing is real with them. Being with the narcissists is like being in a constant trance state of mind, it feels like they put some kind of spell over you. Building anything with the narcissists is like building a house made of paper cards on a quick sand. Sooner or later, the fragile house on the fragile quick sand will collapse. It´s juts a matter of the time. It´s not about "if", it´s about "when".
The
narcissists have black and white thinking (known as "splitting") and
they see you as good if you are their fantasy and they see you as bad if
you are their reality. The narcissists will hate you the most if you represent the reality to them. The narcissists are scared of reality. Most of the narcissists are serial cheaters and they cheat
even when they have good wifes and husbands at home. The
narcissists have stunted emotions, they are children trapped in the
adult´s bodies and they need some mummies and daddies to take care of them.
Their spouses represent their parents/caregivers who take care of them as the
narcissists need an island of stability (as it´s the basic need of all
children). They feel stabilized only if they have their mommies/wifes
and daddies/husbands who take care of them and everything at home, wash the dishes and cook
so the narcissists can go out to play with other "kids" (aka sidechicks and sidedudes) and "cheat in peace".
The sidechicks and sidedudes are the narcissist´s fantasy. They need
both - the island of stability but also the fantasy. The caregivers-spouses will
be often treated badly just like any child and teenager treats his or her
parents because the parents remind the kids of reality. The
narcissists will put all of their focus and fun on their sidechick and
sidedude´s fantasy just like the kids can´t wait to get out and away from their parents to meet their funny friends outside. They often leave their "parents-spouses" sitting alone at home bored and miserable the whole weekend while they will be entertaining their side pieces out there. For the narcissists only their feelings matter. They don´t care about feelings of the closest people around them at all. Are you a spouse of a narcissist and you feel miserable? The narcissist does not care about how you feel at all. You are only an object to be used for them, they don´t see you as a human being. It only matters to the narcissists that they have the sense of safety knowing that "mummy" and "daddy" are sitting at home, the home is safe and stable and "mummy" and "daddy" are not gonna leave. The narcissists need to have the feeling of safety knowing that they have a safe space and a safe person to always come back to from their cheating adventures and from the wild wild West that is outside of their island of stability. They need to have the feeling that when they hurt their knees like the kids who are on adventures climbing the trees and falling down from the trees hurting their knees, that when they come back home, there will be "mummy" and "daddy" always waiting for them to clean their wounds and give them cookies and hot milk. The main goal of existence of spouses of the narcissists is to be the narcissist´s servant, assistant, support and a parent. There is no other role for the spouses of the narcissists. They expect you to be there for them but they are never there for you. When your knee is hurting, the narcissist is nowhere to be found. Their stability is all that matters to Peter Pan narcissists while they don´t care about your stability and in fact, they make your life very unstable. The narcissists are utterly selfish immature creatures turning people around them into the miserable zombies. That´s why they usually choose good empathetic people as their main source of narcissistic supply and
psychotic out of control immature dirty whores as their side pieces. Not all sidechicks and sidedudes are bad people, some of them are innocent victims too who found themselves in the narcissist´s web of lies just like the main sources of the supply but also it´s not unusual that the side pieces are the narcissists themselves too (usually with the histrionic tendencies). The narcissistic side pieces take a great pleasure in stealing other people´s husbands and wifes and ruining other people´s marriages. Make no mistake - they love it, they do it on purpose and they are even turn on by it. It´s not unusual that the narcissist and his or her narcissistic side piece gang upon the victim and they "cooperate" together on abusing and bullying the victim. The narcissists have a great satisfaction seeing you fall apart. The narcissists are highly addicted to thrills and highs. They want to feel constantly high so they are hunting the thrills. A lot of narcissists target specifically the married people, they are not interested in single people because dating single people is not that much fun for them as destroying someone´s else family life and marriages. They love drama, the more drama, the better. The narcissists are addicted to drama, they can´t help it. The narcissistic spouses want safety provided by nice caring people and in the same time fantasy adventures with crazy narcissistic whores. The
love bombing phase of the relationships with the narcissists are ultra
adventurous, amazing, you will feel so high and special. Because the
narcissists are good only with selling you the fantasy. That´s why the fantasy love bombing with them feels so amazing and the reality with them feels so miserable. The narcissists excel at fun and they are not skilled at all with the reality. The moment the
relationships start to transform into something more serious, the moment you transform from fantasy to reality/parent, they will loose interest in you. Basically, after the love bombing stage, they are done with you. You will become only a slaver and a doormat to them. At first you were fun because you were the fantasy, now you are just a boring reality and an annoying parent. The narcissists are hunters of thrills. For them, the chase and hunt is better then the catch. Once they catch you, you are no more interesting to them. Having the
narcissists in your life is like living in a house full of smoke and
mirrors. You will completely loose yourself in such a hunted house.
Every mirror in this house will be broken and you will see the reality
through a very shattered view. All individuals suffering from cluster B
type of personality disorders are basically children. They are all Peter Pan not capable to grow up. This is the thingy
what confuse normal people the most - they see the narcissists in adult
bodies in front of them and they think that they deal with the adults.
Wrong. It´s a mindfuck. You deal with the children. Very emotionally
stunted, severally traumatized, very emotionally psychologically hurt little children possessed with little
demons. And on top of that with lack of empathy and dead consciousness.
The narcissist´s emotional development froze at the age 4 years old or
10 years old or teenage years. You will realize this when you start to
pay an attention to their behavior. They often regress back to
childhood. It´s almost like they have multiple personalities. One minute
you talk to an adult, then something snaps inside of their brains and
the other minute you talk to a 4 years old child. That´s why the
arguments with them always reminds you of a high school drama or they
will literary act like children. If you ever experienced the
narcissist´s temper tantrum, you know what I´m talking about. It´s like
watching a 5 years old spoiled brat to throw themselves on the floor in the
middle of the grocery store when mummy does not want to buy the child
the lollipop. It´s so bizarre to see behave this way a 40 years old man
or a 30 years old woman. The second thing that confuse normal people
when dealing with the narcissists is thinking that they deal with other
normal people. Wrong. The narcissists only look like the humans on the
outside (they have a human body) but inside of them, nothing can be even
close to anything human. Their behavior, the way of feeling and
thinking is alien, their spirit is demonic. The narcissists have nothing
in common with normal healthy regular people. Meeting a narcissist is literary like meeting an alien. The narcissists are just
overgrown children. Do you have a narcissistic spouse? Forget about couple therapy for adults. They would
need to enter a therapy for children to get an appropriate treatment. Let´s say,
visiting the office of a psychologist who deals with the 4 years old
children. That´s why most of the therapy does not work with the narcissists. Because they need the same type of treatment like the real children. When you have a se_x with a narcissist, you have a se_x with a
child. You unknowingly became basically a pedophile. This is the reason why most of the narcissists use se_x only as a
tool for manipulation to get what they want from you. The se_x is not real for them as it is real for you. Kids do not understand se_x. They use se_x only
as a tool to make their victims to buy them the new shoes or cars.
Often, they withhold the se_x from you as a punishment for you not doing
what the narcissist wants you to do or you not giving and buying them
what they want. The narcissists use se_x solely as a tool to manipulate you and control you. Se_x is just another form of a control for the narcissists. Sometimes, they use se_x as a masochistic tool to punish
their parents through you (as they are not able and capable to rage on
their parents so they "vomit" everything that happened to them in their
childhood onto you) and that´s why the se_x with the narcissists is humiliating and you will
wonder if you are being raped or you make love. They have se_x with people only to have a power and control over those people. Even in bedroom, the narcissists are trying to over-power their poor victims. People thinks that the
main source of supply (the audience) for the narcissists is either the
spouses or the sidechicks and sidedudes. Wrong. The narcissists are
technically the children and that´s why it does not matter who gives
them the attention. They go where they will get the most attention. Whether it is a hot bomb chick or ugly old stranger. No
matter how hot smart wifes they have at home, how kind, hard working
and handsome husbands they have at home, the narcissists see their spouses
only as the parents and you know, parents are always boring. Who
wants to spend time with parents when you are a kiddo or a teenager and have se_x with their own parents,
right? So, the narcissists will leave their awesome spouses at home and
go play with other "kids" on the playground. Nothing else matter to the narcissists than the narcissistic supply,
especially attention. The narcissists are addicted to narcissistic supply the same way as the heroin addict to heroin. The winner is always that person who gives them
the most attention. Looks do not matter. Age does not matter. Nothing matters except the attention. That´s why even the most beautiful women in Hollywood who are young, successful, famous and rich get cheated on by their narcissistic spouses because it has nothing to do with looks or anything else. It is not personal. It has only to do with the disorder of the narcissists, they have to satisfy their addiction, they have to fill their painful emptiness and void, they have to "quick fix" their pathological feeling of unworthiness and lack of self-love, they get pathologically bored very quickly so they always have to chase the new toys no matter how good, nice and beautiful were their old toys. The narcissists are like the black hole in the Universe, they are just sucking in, sucking in, sucking it and there is no end to it. They are like the bucket with the hole in the bottom of the bucket, no matter how much water you pour into that bucket, the water will always leak out and there will be never enough water in that bucket. The narcissists do not mind whether the attention is
negative or positive. They are like kids, if they can´t get a positive
attention from their mummy, they will start to do naughty things
acting like the bad kids just to get the mummy´s negative attention. Showing a
new doll to mummy and smile at mummy did not work? Well, let´s take that doll and punch mummy in the
face and let´s see if mummy now will pay that attention. Working! Mummy is now paying the attention! The
reason why the narcissists often live a se_xless lifestyle is because
children do not have interest in se_x. Most of the narcissists hate se_x.
They only tolerate it for their partners as a form of manipulation. The narcissists (and in general all cluster Bs)
are too emotionally stunted to understand a real deep intimacy. Many of them have been se_xually abused in the past and se_x for them is
equivalent of punishment. The narcissists hate intimacy (this does not
include only se_x but also intimacy on all levels such as deep emotional
bond, deep conversations, etc.). A lot of narcissists even hate physical
touch, kissing or even talking about love and deep feelings. If you
ever married a narcissist, he or she will see you as a parent, not as an
intimate partner. They will only tolerate you the same way as the
teenager has to tolerate his mother because the mother gives him money
and wash his clothes. If you are in the relationships with the narcissists, after they will stop faking the love bombing niceness with you and
you will become boring main source of supply, from that point you become
only a cash cow and a punching bag for the narcissists. The narcissists
lack of empathy and that´s why they are not capable of true love and
true intimacy. For them cheating means nothing. They don´t bond with people. They either replaying the trauma through se_x or use se_x as a way to gain attention or to manipulate people to get their way. Often, they use se_x also as a form of triangulation when they sleep with multiple people and then they pit those people against each other to create drama so they can extract positive and negative narcissistic supply from their victims.
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